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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:35 pm | |
| A poem with a good story I wrote when I was in 6th or 7th grade, hope you enjoy it. I was young when I wrote this so please excuse incorrect grammar or incorrect use of tenses. Nothing Left
Here I am, stuck in the deep depths of misery As I lie here with a handful of doubts Though my life seems like a novel of mystery I know I’m being chased with a number of sounds My life once used to be meaningful As I remember all the prosperity I had through my tremendous wealth My wife and I were deeply soulful For having the love for our family all to ourselves I had a very fortunate life, and a humungous home And I lived every day in fame But soon enough I’ll wind up alone And nobody would remember my name It started out as a beautiful day As I prepared to ride to the love of my family But I noticed someone who did not look okay Such as a lost soul that seemed very empty I approached him with a large amount of sorrow He asked for spare change, looked as lonely as can be As he looked at me with a large, depressed groan Ash surrounding his body, his skin damaged I could see His clothes were very ragged, except for this jacket This nice, brown and clean coat He said he was digging furiously for food when he found it But still had a sad face and his clothes were soaked I spared him a fifty, and his spirit shined As a return, he offered his jacket I said I would not take it, it was not mine But he started limping away, like he got in a brutal accident I soon found out I made a huge mistake I should not have taken it, and now I live in tears I heard a loud siren exploding in my ears Cops surrounding me, in a scene of confusion Grabbed the jacket, And I thought I was dreamin’ Took out a truckload of jewels and cash The man framed me, despite my courtesy and generosity The cops pinned me in the car, stuck in the dash And threw me in a cell, for a year of pity As the long, extremely tiring year had passed I tried to find my wife and family with a desperate search But when I found them, the door to my life had latched As I saw them with another man by a nearby perch My life has fallen apart, my wealth and love has vanished As I lie hear, thinking this is destiny Thinking it was my fault, something I must’ve missed But now I am with the spirits of many Hopping that a little mist of rain falls upon me Thinking it is a heartbreaking dream, and I will wake up to be The man that was prosperous in many ways But now I shed my tears and count the days I used to be loved, and people gave me respect But now my life is nothing, I have nothing left.
Last edited by Jake on Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:43 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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P00pinshniver White Knight


Staff Message: I am P00pinshniver, Fuji Planet's soccer player Posts: 7024 Age: 16 Fuji Bucks™: 16028 Reputation: 50 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:36 pm | |
| holy crap that is long, im not gonna read it |
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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:37 pm | |
| It's really not that long, just looks long |
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chimchim930 Friendly Fiend


Posts: 758 Age: 15 Fuji Bucks™: 2041 Reputation: 12 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:38 pm | |
| if you didnt put 3 spaces between each line and shortened it down it would probably be easier to read without us thinking its really long. |
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SF Fuji Imp


Posts: 3385 Age: 56 Fuji Bucks™: 9145 Reputation: 76 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:38 pm | |
| That's amazing for 6th or 7th grade. |
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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 10:40 pm | |
| It wont let me get rid of the spaces  and thanks SF |
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Katanga Untamed Beast


Posts: 2223 Age: 15 Fuji Bucks™: 1537 Reputation: 13 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:00 pm | |
| Nice jyo, thats really good. |
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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:04 pm | |
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JriderT Secretly Sinister


Posts: 3842 Age: 15 Fuji Bucks™: 5533 Reputation: 63 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:35 pm | |
| Dude thats great, you inspire me to make a poem lol |
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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:59 pm | |
| Haha thanks, I made a nothing left 2 as well, it's better, i'll post it another time |
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Katanga Untamed Beast


Posts: 2223 Age: 15 Fuji Bucks™: 1537 Reputation: 13 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 12:00 am | |
| sweet, cant wait to see it |
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kareljanis Friendly Fiend


Posts: 886 Age: 16 Fuji Bucks™: 1885 Reputation: 8 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:04 am | |
| sorry, but thats a bit long for my liking. im more of a haiku person. |
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Katanga Untamed Beast


Posts: 2223 Age: 15 Fuji Bucks™: 1537 Reputation: 13 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:11 am | |
| | kareljanis wrote: | | sorry, but thats a bit long for my liking. im more of a haiku person. |
he means "that was great, I read it and was astounded, but I dont want to look like a nerd that reads long posts so I'll just pretend im some random fat guy from south park" |
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kareljanis Friendly Fiend


Posts: 886 Age: 16 Fuji Bucks™: 1885 Reputation: 8 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:16 am | |
| | Katanga wrote: | | kareljanis wrote: | | sorry, but thats a bit long for my liking. im more of a haiku person. |
he means "that was great, I read it and was astounded, but I dont want to look like a nerd that reads long posts so I'll just pretend im some random fat guy from south park" |
no, i mean im not reading that wall of text. i have national geographic for that. |
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Bonnie White Knight


Posts: 6640 Age: 15 Fuji Bucks™: 1221 Reputation: 134 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:43 am | |
| That was amazing. No seriously, it was. |
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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:38 am | |
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Chainy Untamed Beast


Posts: 9152 Fuji Bucks™: 5345 Reputation: 286 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:46 am | |
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Jake Rising Blaze


Posts: 1149 Age: 19 Fuji Bucks™: 2963 Reputation: 37 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 8:53 am | |
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MrMega Secretly Sinister


Posts: 3865 Age: 16 Fuji Bucks™: 507 Reputation: 83 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 9:32 am | |
| Spectacular Jake, I already read it on MYNHQ/your forum I think. |
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Rawr Sexy Squeaky Clean


Posts: 336 Age: 20 Fuji Bucks™: 2188 Reputation: 1 
 | Subject: Re: Nothing Left Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:14 am | |
| | P00pinshniver wrote: | | holy crap that is long, im not gonna read it |
Hahahah. Smooth.
I liked it tons, Jake :] You've got a gift, mah friend. |
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